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Ok, I know everyone has had one at some point, a couple next door who just like to argue with each other. Well I have one.



I'm not bitching, really, it's great entertainment. This morning they woke up fighting (a continuation from last night). Sadly, I don't know what it's about - but I do know the guy is taking off for awhile (time to turn the tv back on).



His last threat was to have fun down in Santa Barbara, and then maybe he'll go to Tijuana (we all know what THAT means.. yep, that's right, cheap whores and a donkey show), and then maybe he'll go have fun in Arizona, and then maybe he'sll go have fun in Las Vegas. Her ever so witty reply was "yeah maybe you can get some while you're down there!"



Obviously, they are not skilled in argumentation, because those were the closing lines - but I think that's what's so entertaining about it all. I actually paused the news (gods bless the guy who invented tivo) so I could hear them and not miss the weather report.



There's a reason I live alone..

(I totally stole this from Moonie's Journal - which she stole, in part, from mine)



And now that I feel like I’m repeating myself I’ll stop typing – but first, a note for Jessa:

Checkmate – you dirty little cunt.



Deity Edit: Cunt-- understatement of the fucking year.



I got that quote from Kathy's journal. I HAVE NEVER LAUGHED SO FUCKIN HARD!!



...



I do have to say that line is pretty fuckin classic.



In a dirty way, It's pretty hot.. you dirty little CUNT! ahahaha



It doesn't sound as hot when I say it. Maybe because I say it all the time.



This is my Ode' To Kathy blog.



you dirty little cunt [wink]



LOL Moonie, you fucking rock (feel free to quote me on that) - if I could edit journals I'd have said it on your's, but alas, I cannot :(



Really tho, if it walks like a duck..



And on another note, I think Deity is in need of our services on her way to true California Skankdom.

Deity -



Having lived in California for 10 years now, I know how hard it can be to find your inner skank. Some days are going to be harder than others.. one day you just don't think you can go any farther, and then *wham* the next day - total skankiness.



It's one helluva rollercoaster ride on the way to true California skank, but it WILL happen - I know you can do it!





Deity Edit:

Coming from skankiest bitch in the land, that means a ton. ♥



Keep Rockin, Skanky Pants.



♥

Ahhh Spring time - how I love it. With it comes the sounds of obnoxious neighbors having bbq's, the retarded frat boy sucking up beer cans and rocks in his lawn mower over and over, people starting up their Harleys.. Allergies, extra boxes of kleenex, sneezing..



Yes, it's a shame it can't stay spring time forever.



On the upside, finals are coming up (ok that's not the upside) but after finals comes a mass exodus of this fine little city. I will have 3 months of blissful quiet. No cars racing by at 2am, loud pool parties down the street or traffic. However, there will be the intolerable heat and high electric bills.



I miss Autumn.

Ok people, I don't know if you're aware of this or not, but wearing that bluetooth thing on your head makes you look like an idiot.



That's all.

This is something it seems a lot of people aren't aware of. I tend to treat people the way I want to be treated - this goes out the window if you lie, of course - but generally, I try to remain open and honest with people.



If it's not shown in return, eventually the nature of the relationship changes to adapt to this imbalance. I rarely like it, but I see no reason in giving more than I'm receiving. I tend to give a lot; it's a flaw I think. Generally I dislike people - a lot. But when I find someone I don't dislike, dare I say "like" then I put much into it. I find that it's rare this is returned.



The same goes for people I don't necessarily like, but am forced to deal with. I too have moments of pure idiocy. I'm guilty of giving some people far too many chances. Anyone who thinks they know me may laugh at this, thinking I'm joking, but I'm not.



It usually ends up biting me in the ass, and others pay for it by not having that second or third chance. Life’s not fair though, so it doesn't matter so much.



I have a tendency to be overly sensitive on some things, this being one of them - reciprocity. Anyone that pays attention will know this. It probably annoys the shit out of some - but that's something I find important. If I am open and honest, I don't hide shit from you, I give you a second, third, or 20th chance, I expect the same in return.



If I don't get it, I get pissed - usually at myself for thinking anyone would give enough of a fuck to actually give back.

I'm in an Abnormal Psych class this semester, which has been set up in a great way. Some diagnostic techniques, some writing from the point of view of a mentally ill patient, role playing etc.



Anyway, today some people from the local drop in center came to class to share their personal histories with Bipolar Disorder (I & II), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Schizophrenia. It was sad realy, these 5 people loaded on (much needed) drugs, speaking in a very flat, monotone voice, some shaking, unable to focus much. A few couldn't even tell their own story without reading it off a card.



Now this isn't to say these people are incompetant or somehow stupid, because the very opposite is true. One man is a retired cardiologist. One woman was just married, another has been married for 50 years. They have held down jobs, lived normal lives (relitively speaking of course) and with exception to the one man shaking, looked normal in every sense of the word.



Each one told their story, their experience with the stigma of being mentally ill and what drugs they were currently on. There was one story that really got me tho, the lady with Schizophrenia.



This woman was probably in her early to mid 50's and had been dealing with this for a long time. The thing with Schizophrenia is that it's not something you're born with - it's something that comes on when one is in late adolescense or early adulthood. This woman, who I'll just call Carrie was living a normal life. She was 24, happily married, buying a house with a great job and had a child.



Then one day she was watching tv. Kiss was on TV, they were taking their make-up off and revealing themselves for the first time. When she saw one of them, she immediately knew she'd seen him before, in her driveway during a garage sale. He'd given her a postcard - somehow this was meant to corrupt her, I'm not sure how - but it was very clear to her. She remembered talking to him, touching him being offended by him. (At this time there were lots of cases against Rockers going on, claiming they were corrupting the Youth, this guy had gone one step further in her mind and was currupting specific, individual youths). She thought about this and concidered calling the FBI, but opted not to.



Days or weeks (I'm not sure) later, she heard a voice introduce itself to her "Hi, I'm sarah, how are you?" This took her by surprise and she asked Sarah what she was doing there and to leave. Sarah told her how there had been a kidnapping and only Carrie could save this person. So she jumped in her car, thinking all along "this can't be real ... but what if it is?"



So off she went, flying down the road. She ended up being pulled over by a cop for doing 85 in a 35 - she didn't tell him anything, but he pointed out to her that she was almost out of gas. While at the gas station she realized she had no money on her, so she called the police - there was no way she could help this kidnapped person with no gas.



The police questioned her, and believed her for a little while, even when she said it was being sent to her telepathically. In the end, she was sent to a hospital where she was put on meds for a month and then taken back off of them when she got out. Some of her symptoms were auditory and visual hallucinations, among others. She knew they weren't real at first, she knew it was schizophrenia, and she had to sit and watch as these delusions and hallucinations took over.



This terrifies me. It could happen to anyone - altho there is evidence that strongly suggests it's passed along genetically, but that's not my point. This woman was living a normal life and sat helpless as it all slipped away. She went from a happy fairytale life where she was educated, married, and employed to one where she was divorced, unemployed and at times, hospitalized against her will.



Just the idea of this, and listening to her tell her story left me feeling very uneasy. I suppose in a sense, I'm a bit of a control freak - not necessarily with others, but with my own life. I do not like giving up power to anyone - and to know I was losing power to my own brain function, that would be the absolute worst thing I can imagine going through. Trapped in this hell - and the only way out is to give up a huge chunk of who you are to the side effects of some drug.



It's a scary thing.

So I've been feeling like shit lately, and finally took my ass to the doctor's today. I think it's like the third time I've done this since giving birth 7.5 years ago, because I don't like doctors.



So I am sick, nothing major just the normal shit, but they gave me two meds, one of which is one of these new high powered drugs that are replacing the over used antibiotics. Both of these meds say "take with food" and there's a picture of a big ol' sub on the sticker. The pharmascist tells me no little snack will do, I need to eat a full meal before each dose. Uh, ok.



Then she continues. "Don't take the two meds together, it'll make you nauseous. And you need a full meal before taking this one too. You need to take this one twice a day and this one three times a day. This one will make you dizzy and nauseous, but this one, it'll only make you nauseous if you take it with that one. Take lots of water, no iron or antacids because it'll bind - oh, and your birth control will be less effective so be sure to use other bc methods."



*blink*



So I'm supposed to eat 5 full meals a day, be sick for most of it and incase I wanted to go anywhere, tough shit, I'll be dizzy..?



What the fuck are they making these pills with these days? Seriously, there are 7 warning stickers on the one. Maybe there's more than a simple ear infection going on here, maybe I have, like Bird Flu or Ebola and they aren't telling me. Perhaps after taking this shit I'll be radioactive, small animals will be left dead in my wake. These new drugs kinda scare me.



On the up side, I only have to take it for 3 days..

So I took my daughter and her friend to see Ice Age 2 tonight, it wasn't too bad, for a kids' movie..



I kinda like doing stuff like that for her, I can't actually remember my parents ever taking me and my friends out as a kid - and really, it's the little things.



Going to kid movies always leaves me with this weird feeling of having missed out tho. I see this room full of fathers hanging out with their kids, cracking up at the jokes that none of the kids get - and then laughing at the stupid kid jokes too. They actually like being there and spending time with their kids. Usually I just kinda sit there in awe, watching these guys



So I wonder where these guys exist, where do they come from? Because I have yet to run across one. I really feel ripped off, if not for me then for my daughter who is seriously lacking in a positive male role model in her life.



I spose in a way it's my own fault, but fuck if I know where these men exist. Now, I won't say it's not fair that she doesn't have a positive male figure in her life, because life isn't fair - but I will say that I really think it sucks ass, mostly on her dad's part. But it's also got a little to do with the fact that a large majority of men (that I've met) want little or nothing to do with their own kids. And me, well I need to find one that's cool with hanging out with someone else's kid.. yeah right.